Fuck That.

She is a wildfire of a woman.

When Jessie came back into my studio for a session, she had this aura about her that was completely captivating. We wanted to do a more film inspired grunge look and embrace more laid back and organic posing…so pretty much the complete opposite of what I usually do. It was so amazing to shake shit up and this was so her personality that it was literally PERFECT. I couldn’t have asked for a better gal to represent Envy Boudoir. We got to talking about life, societal standards with queen sized gals and yall, this girl is spitting some MAJOR truth! Don’t believe me? Let her explain.

“As women, we tend to compare our bodies to unattainable, unrealistic, and unhealthy standards. We think “if I don’t weight x amount I can’t do this or that”. We look at other women full of envy that fuels self hate, At times, that mentality can seem impossible to overcome. I’ve been there, as I’m sure every gal reading this has been too. It’s damming to feel less than simply because of your weight. But, the wonderful thing about our species is we come in such an array of colors, shapes, and sizes. In this era, however, it seems that the Hollywood type body has taken over as what’s desirable. We look at our curves and think “no.” We look at our stretch marks and think “gross.” We look at every negative thing we can think of and think “change.” 

My whole life I’ve struggled with a poor self image. I’ve never been skinny. I’ve always been curvy. Big hips, big chest, but very short so all my weight shows. It never bothered me, until people started telling me it should. I spent far too many years letting people tell me my body shape wasn’t meant for modeling, wasn’t meant for bikinis, wasn’t meant to be accepted. At 8 I remember thinking: wow, I should be different. Eight!!”

FUCK THAT

GALS: HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THIS.

“In the past year I’ve been on a self love mission. Why do we look at our bodies and shame them? Our bellies and hips with stretch marks like lightening bolts, our faces with a scar or blemish, our thighs with extra weight. Who says those are bad things? Who says that means we can’t do whatever we want to? Our stretch marks show the miracle of life or the good fortune to be able to grow up and have our bodies grow with us. Our faces and scars all show our stories, our thighs show our womanly curves. These are all things to celebrate!

When I first met Kait and decided to do a boudoir shoot with her, I was NERVOUS. I had just started to really embrace myself and my self confidence had been pretty good for the first time in my life. There was the nagging voice saying “size 10 girls don’t do this, Jessie.” But I decided to take a leap of faith. I looked through some of Kait’s previous work and I felt hopeful. There were women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds in her work. There were women who looked like me. When I showed up for my shoot, I fell back into some self doubt. I mean, I’m about to be naked in front of a woman that I don’t know. Will she judge my body? Will she think I’m pretty? But as quickly as my self confidence faded, It came right back. Kait showed me some pictures of me as she was taking them and I was AMAZED. I said multiple times “I can’t believe that’s me.” But it totally was! I left even more empowered. I saw myself through a whole new light. It wasn’t the same body I had been at war with for years. This was a whole new body, one that deserved every good though I could muster up. A few days ago, I did my second shoot with Kait. I did a much more stripped down session this time. No lingerie, minimal makeup, just me in a tank top and undies, and you know what? I killed that shit. Was it because I was skinny? Nope. Was it because I had to edit out my stomach and it’s rolls and stretch marks? Nope. Was it because I have the best body and perkiest boobs you’ve ever seen? HELL NOPE. I’ve had a kid, breastfed, and all the glory that comes with it, I assure you it wasn’t any of those things. It was because I owned it. I promise you, the sexiest thing you can bring to the table (in life, in your relationships, in boudoir) is confidence. The longer you say how sexy, fierce, and powerful you are the easier it will be to see yourself in that light.”

“Now, with a second session under my belt I’m here to let the world know... EVERY BODY IS A GOOD BODY. Every body is a boudoir body! Your weight doesn’t define you. Your curves don’t make you any less beautiful than a woman with a tiny waist! I’m living proof that you can be thick, fabulous, and ROCK IT. I don’t feel bad for saying I am pretty, I don’t feel guilty to admit I’ve got a cute lil body. We’re often conditioned to tear ourselves down to seem humble, why? I challenge every person reading this to think of five AMAZING things they love about themselves. Keep that shit in mind 24/7. You are a goddess, made of the universe, and capable of great things. 

To show you it’s okay to own it, I’ll go first:

I like my booty because it’s round and peachy! 

I like my hair because it’s wild and free like me!

I love my eyes because they’re the exact same shade of blue as my daughters and I see her every time I look in the mirror!

I love my lips because they’re full and good for kissing! 

I love my arms because they’re full of tattoos that show my passions and style!

What do you love? What are you going to do without the fear of how you look holding you back?”

“Maybe you’ll wear a bikini to the beach this summer because you know you look GOOOOD. Maybe you’ll wear short shorts and show off those thighs, maybe you’ll finally jump in the studio and show off every inch of curves you have. Whatever it is, 2019 is your year to KILL IT. 

Self love is not easy and at times you won’t remember the queen you are. But, I promise it is worth it. Your inner voice is the main source of compliments and criticisms you get. Make sure you’re speaking kindly and lovingly to yourself. I encourage you wonderful ladies to wear whatever the hell you want, eat when you want to eat, and smile boldly in the face of anyone who tells you you’re wrong for doing so. 

The most important thing I hope everyone takes away from my rant here is this:

1. Self love is righteous, incredible, and important 

2. You deserve to feel good about yourself no matter what society tells you, what you’ve been conditioned to tell yourself, or even what people have told you in the past.

3. Treat yo damn self and get in the studio girl. There’s no better time than now to take the first step towards feeling like a boss babe. 

You are all gorgeous, wonderful, and amazing. Thick, thin, tall, short, y’all are all queens. 

Xoxo

Jessie”