A Force to be Reckoned with
When I first met Mrs. M, I knew from the start that she was going to be a special client. She just had that personality that you just sorta, click with, ya know? She was so warm, sweet and absolutely lovely. It wasn’t until digging deeper and deeper into chatting that I realized just how special this gal is.
What made you choose Envy Boudoir?
“I have never done anything like this before. I've always wanted to. But maybe just been too self conscious with myself and the things In my life which make me drastically different than anyone else around me.
My story is different than many other women or even men. And that is probably because of how stubborn of an individual I am, I had to endure things that many others havent. But I think that I'd what makes me so unique.
I guess to start, when I was 16, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was told I would never have children. Fast forward through the grueling chemo and radiation treatments that I had for 16 total years.”
“When I was 21, i went into the OBGYN and oncologists they tested me and told me officially I was barren. And that I should proceed with a hysterectomy. So I agreed. Anything to get rid of my cancer. So I went in for my hysterectomy and found out I was pregnant with my first born. *like how tf...just how?! I cried. I was angry. I was angry at every doctor who told me I could never have kids... so I went through an amazing pregnancy held onto my beautiful daughter and went in for my post partum check up........
my cancer spread
Now I had cervical cancer too.
Fast forward 2 years Then came another screening, found out I also had uterine cancer. * the trifecta of reproductive organ cancers* i was Stage 4 but coupled with the news I was pregnant with my son.
After Damien was born ( and that entire pregnancy was a lifetime worth of issues and stories to last a lifetime. ) I finally had my hysterectomy.”
“1 year following that I had an incident in the military that was forever life changing. I broke my back. Shattered 8 discs. I was stuck in a wheelchair and out of the military (which was my passion) within 2 months. My entire life in my mind was OVER.
I have never felt so helpless and worthless.
Between surgeries and procedures I have been under anesthesia 21 times to attempt to repair my spine. The hours logged into physical therapy and rehabilitation are unlike any pain or process that ...its difficult to explain.
People say that cancer is life changing. To me, it wasnt. Fighting like hell to get out of and forever stay out of that wheelchair.... that is forever my passion.
But I did it.
I mean I have serious limitations now. Simple movements that "normal people" take for granted I have to be VERY mindful of. I can not turn fast. I can no longer run or jog. Hell even walking at times is difficult. Getting out of bed has been the biggest struggle of my life thus far. There are just some days or weeks that I'm simply stuck. I turned to alcohol to soothe my pain and that created more issues.
And the VA (veterans affairs) had their own ways of dealing with my piling of issues. They started injecting steroids into my back 6x a month. I gained 100 plus lbs what seemed like overnight. Then comes the self esteem shattering terms from medical professionals.
"You're obese. You're too fat. You'll never get out of that wheelchair like this. Is this really how you want to die? Is this how you want your kids to remember you ? Oh you must not care if your husband cheats on you, because you clearly dont care about yourself ..." but one thing stood out to me more than anything else ... MY KIDS. My little miracle babies... my friends my doctors were right...
Something had to change.
So I started working harder in physical therapy and rehab. I started fighting for my kids. I couldn't die like that.
And that's when I found out that pesky cancer spread AGAIN it was now in my breasts.”
“Like what horrible thing did I ever do in my life to be in a wheelchair and plagued with now 4 types of cancer. What did I do so wrong???
So I fell again. Almost gave up. Contemplated suicide more and more every day. Tried to think of different ways to end it to where it wouldnt hurt my kids.
"Could I just get into a car accident? Should I just take a bunch of pills? What if I cut an artery in my leg while taking a bath..." God even writing these words out... it's difficult.
But I wasnt a good role model. I had no hope to get better or be better. I was slowly turning into a horrible person. To the point my precious babies were scared to laugh or smile around me... like wtf is wrong with me that I took the joy out of my innocent babies lives ??????
So after one day pulling out my gun. Feeling the cold steel analyzing the bullet. The one meant to take all the pain away ... something clicked. Something changed. I wish I could tell you what it was... I wish I could say it was a phone call from a friend I wish I could say it was a voice from my guardian angel or God... idk. But a wash of peace came over me. And suddenly I had all of the strength I needed.”
“I wheeled into physical therapy the next morning. And took my own first step by myself. I did it. I fell. I fell a lot. Damn did I fall... but that one step turned into two then to five then to around the rehab center. Then to the car. Then half of a mile. Every day the reason for my success is my two precious angels.
Oncologists worked with me to ONLY remove infected cancer from my breasts. And suddenly I was back on my feet with that stupid wheelchair left behind. And CANCER FREE. (Yes I still get check ups... every 6 months)
I started college. Something I could do at home with no judgements from others. I had total control over it. It was my thing. Something for only me....
I finished my degree to show my kids that we are fighters and nothing can stop you from pursuing your dreams. Then I got hired at 3 jobs... my life post military was changing for the better.
TRUST ME I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD OR COULD.”
“All of this might be scattered. But it is a lot and I have fought to make my life better. But not for me. For my kids. They are everything to me. They are my reason for waking up day with a smile. They are my reason to fight. I mean they ARE MY FIGHT.
Yes. I still live in pain every day. Yes I still drink. (Not as much) but the contemplation of ending everything left that day back in 2015.... that peace is still in me. Has to be in me. I have to show the world my own version of peace because there is too much hate and pain in our world.
All we have to do is find our fight. Find out what is the most important thing in life. And spend each day fighting for that thing or in my case things. My two miracle babies that I was never supposed to have.
But I refuse to lose them.
Kait thank you for this remarkable experience. I cannot believe that was me in those pictures. Thank you for allowing me to share my story. I have fought hard for years to get to where i am now, compared to where I was. But I'm never going back to that dark painful part of my life.
I cant stop thinking about the pictures. I mean seriously?! That's me?! I cant get over it. Thank you for showing me who I am. Who I really am.”
I honestly cannot put into words how much this client has impacted my life in the little time we had together. She is a soul you will always want in your presence and her strength and perseverance is out of this world. Not only a beautiful person, but a beautiful personality to match! Easily one of the most inspirational women to walk through my studio.